PERSEVERE…

 15 years ago I started this blog…

Thank you for the challenge Aunt Carlene. R.I.P. 

Daily prayers is my sustenance…My favorite prayers have been born out of some of my greatest life challenges growing up in a chemically dependent, dysfunctional family. My acolyte prayer from my high school teenage years in Hemet, California at Episcopalian Church of the Good Shepherd. Another prayer from one of the Stations of the Cross, from the Sanctuary in Emmitsburg, Maryland: “Persevere in your resolutions of reform. And do not part from the Cross. He who perseveres to the end shall be saved”! 

Where my life is now, I’m facing cancer surgery in July. In spite of my own health challenges, it is the health of my wife and children that predominate in my time now. My eldest, soon to be 50, fighting for his.life with ADENOID Cystic Carcinoma. Another soon fighting go sobriety, arthritis in several more, THYROID Disease, another faced Lyme Disease with consequences, and my wife with CTD. 

The greatest emotional pains are the imposed sanctions with 2 of my 7 kids. I want my kids in my life, however, their chives have been to the contrary… too much judgment. So much emotional pain. I’ve made my own mistakes in life and the outcome so painful.  I want both these sons back, connected again…it’s a daily prayer…

My decade of ‘silence’

 Moving through my 6th decade of life has been filled with a litany of family dynamic changes, age Inf Inf my career, new homes and locations...through all of this, there are moments, in my quiet, introspective place both spiritual and temporal, I wrap myself around the path I’ve laid...

Life is mostly brutal. People and demands upon me seem at times even more brutal. If there has been anything I’ve learned, even at this very late part of my life, is that good parenting brings critical dividends to your children. My parents were not success stories. Then again, my experience seeing and talking to tens of thousands of patients and parents only exposes significant weaknesses in so many. For most of us, a ‘broken home’ either creates so many voids for a child that there remaining time on this planet is a psychosocial football field with gains and losses. That faction where parenting fills many many ‘holes’, well, that’s a gift for a kids future adjustment.  There’s always an exception to the rule...I feel like God did Grace me...and, I don’t know why. In my now 43rd year of serving mankind, from my microcosm perspective, I’ve been Blessed and I’m perfectly fine saying so...

I also learned that career matters, station in life helps put food on the table and satisfy your ego. All of this comes at a cost. Balance in life, at times, feels unachievable but that balance is what helps preserve ones soul, relevance. To persevere in ones resolution to reform, remaining close to God within, may allow one to be saved. This saying, etched on a metal stake is found at the stations within the GROTTO, Emittsburg, Maryland

Today has been a different day for me...In the past week I've had emotions revisited from those quite some time ago, and, from all of this 'thinking' it has made me feel a bit melancholy...guess you could say, has left me feeling thankfulness for the travels in my life and at the same time recognition of important things lost along the way.

Disneyland has been and will always be a most special place for me, my wife and my children. It still is the one place I so want to be the 1st to take my grandchildren.

I miss Mexico. Some of the greatest times in my life have been spent in this country. Puerto Penasco holds volumes of memories from the very earliest years of my kids. It has only been in the last 2 years that all of this has changed...not for the good, with increasing crime and angst over safety of travel across the border. I wish it were not like this...

Downtown Seal Beach, California was always a favorite for my parents and now with my Mother's recent passing I wish we had more time to reminisce over her younger life with my Father...I just always seem to come back to this repeating theme in my life and that was never knowing enough history of their lives...

Finally, and really most important, has been the void of God in my life...a church home. Over the years I have felt great connection to God in my life but it does not feel this way anymore. The humanness of the church, it's own sin, the hypocrisy of the people who attend and the distance from the healing and contact with God's people leaves a great void in my life. Certainly in regards to feeling 'connected' to God, this remains a great emptiness inside me. The word 'faith' and the scriptural meaning within the context of biblical passages truly is all I feel I'm hanging onto... I'm reminded of a friend's words decades ago, "...faith is really faith when it is the only thing that you're hanging onto..."

My favorite dog in my life died on December 29. My Mother died on February 2nd...

Healthcare has marked challenges and none more important than the fact it is rapidly being thrust into 'business' and not compassionate care for another human being...If you doubt me, visit your local emergency room. Did the provider sit down in your room to talk to you? Did the provider put their hands on your body to examine you? Did you wait forever to see this person for perhaps, oh, let's say 30-60 seconds??

If you think that Arizona is full of 'racial profilers', think about this...Federal law expects immigration to be done, "...legally..." Arizona just wants to see you have a valid driver's license for the state and, guess what, that's it...you qualify as "legal" in this state. By the way, study your own response to this scenario: next time somebody tells you to do something you know darn well know is wrong...go ahead and do it...what the heck, it couldn't be that bad, right?! I suppose not except if it were your daughter kidnapped by an illegal immigrant and now you were faced with never seeing her again might that stir some response? Or, maybe this...simply park your vehicle in your driveway and never see it again b/c it now has crossed the southern border never to yours again...oops! You mean it was financed?! And you didnt' have 'bridge insurance'...oh, well, you'll find a couple thousand to pay off the bank and call it EVEN!! Or better yet...be a police person in this the 6th largest city in the country, on patrol, and pull over a speeding vehicle to be shot to death on the side of the road by an illegal alien who later is surrounded, falls to the ground, and is arrested...what do you do since you're the one going hours later to the front door of that officer's home to tell his wife and 4 kids, '...he's died in the line of service...' Anyone foolish to blame Arizonans and their politicians for "...being discriminatory..." has not lived where their safety is in question. Yes, the majority of us have decided ENOUGH is ENOUGH and will enforce illegal immigration by stopping
ANYONE suspected to be an illegal alien and require them to prove they legally can be here. How would you enforce the issue?? You say, "...that they can't do that, can't enforce the law like that. Ok, how do you do it? What, no answers Washington, D.C.?? Oh well, you know we don't want the President of Mexico upset...nor the mayor of Los Angeles...and certainly not the ACLU....Wondered if you saw the bright signage carried in downtown Phoenix in the last couple weeks caught by photo...seems the sentiment is heating up b/c this Mexican decided that he was in need of free food, medicine, rent, and oh by the way, arrogant enough to mention, "...or I'll kill another cop...(if you don't give me what I want)" Guess this is the neighborhood you want your kids raised in...? Well then, can anyone tell me how this is immigration enforcement? How about legal? How about sane? How about lacking anything we used to value about living in America??

A most special child of mine graces the stage in her summer recital with movement as extraordinary as the 'person' she is... For the protection of privacy the photo selection expresses but does not entirely show the full beauty of her remarkable dancing talents. And, yes, I am truly guilty of being a 'prideful' father...

The entire norther Arizona 'Rim' country is what I find is the most beautiful part of state to me... These are a few selected photos I liked showing how incredibly diverse and magnificent our state is...

Like most aspects of my life, 'balance' is a fleeting theme. Though I am trying to reach what seems 'unobtainable' I continue to walk in this direction...

Recent travels lead to more photography which is truly my passion... Art and the constant look for different 'media' for expression is fun, relaxing and takes me away from the serious concentration of my time with 'medicine.' Truly, if I live long enough, I really want to work more positively along the efforts of living my true passions in the life remaining... For anyone who views this blog, the intent of sharing myself, the vision of the photos from this glorious planet are hopefully bringing a moment of introspection, relaxation, and express myself...

A recent visit to the mid-California wine country in San Luis Obispo County left us with memorable moments for our 16th wedding anniversary... Near Cayucos, is a small community of Harmony. On our 1st anniversary we had visited a glass-blowers venue there by the name of Radke. Little did we know, that the 'defect' treasure we purchased for $17 would now cost you between $150-250! Radke (I believe the name is correct) is now located in Templeton, California. One day we hope to have the time to see his gallery there...

On Highway 46 off the coastal highway inland toward Paso Robles we found our timing superb as they had received considerable rain leading to green that was breathtaking!

Then, back to the coastal area just south of Big Sur... And, then, the incomparable Morro Bay area. Great seafood. Better than average wines... And wonderous road time doing what we so love to do...just soak in all the scenery. Finally, a final evening meal and the beautiful little table flowers, listening to live music at the Otter Inn. We certainly would like to spend more time in this area but 2 1/2 days was all we could do...

I wanted to speak of Oregon...this evening, with 2008 now history and setting sites to new and unknown changes for the future, I can sit and look upon the sites of beauty of Oregon to settle my soul... With camera in hand, I could drive, walk, climb, or, just sit in so many places to smell the ocean, gaze upon the colors, feel the cool of the air and the warmth of the sun upon my face... it feels like a kindred spirit whose gentle hand has rested upon my shoulder and quietly calls to me to return. Color is everywhere, different greens than your mind's most distinguishing eye could ever capture... a fullness of verdure, a kaleidoscope of landscape and a place which can easily overwhelm you by its the beauty...

And, of course, one cannot know the Oregon coast without knowledge of one of the world's most beautiful, most spectacular lighthouses... Cape Heceta Head Lighthouse and this view is visited annually by thousands. This particular picture I shot a couple year's ago and gave to my eldest son and his wife as a gift...he, too, loves the ocean!

This photo looks to me like a mural inspired by Ernest Hemingway's story of, 'The Old Man and the Sea.' Notice the 'exit' air vent in the center

South of Lincoln City, Oregon, local artists display of the flat walls of otherwise 'boring' buildings drawing many to gaze upon the majesty of these paintings in seaside towns. This particular one was incredibly beautiful and if you look carefully to the right you will see a pipe which carries rain water off the roof. Just below the orange 'sphere' you will note a plant growing from the top of this pipe!

This particular bridge is outside of Newport, Oregon...absolutely beautiful taken as black and white and heralds the further beauty of the middle coastal region of the Oregon coastline.

Finally, one of our favorite hamburger shops outside of Portland is in a little community called Helvetia. On the ceiling of this restaurant are ballcaps from all over the world tacked up making this colorful site. I took this picture at one of the all wooden benches we ate at while checking out all the memorabilia in the shop.

We're looking forward to another trip to Oregon...one of our most favorite places to visit.